Aug 2, 2009
1. Barb Wire (Pamela Anderson)2. Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) – Escape from New YorkFinally, after he’s captured by the Duke of New York while trying to free the President and pitted against the fearsome Slag in Madison Square Garden, we see why he’s been telling everyone to “call him Snake” all this time.3. Max Cady (Robert De Niro), Cape FearTruth, Justice, the broken heart. and the Grim Reaper all are really just accompaniments to De Niro’s thoroughly sinister performance. After Analyze This and Meet the Parents, it’s hard sometimes to remember the guy could actually act.4. Darth Maul (Ray Park) – Star Wars Epsiode I: The Phantom MenaceThe Sith Lord’s brief appearance wasn’t nearly lengthy enough to make up for Jar Jar, midichlorians, Jake Lloyd…well, you get the point. But his climactic duel with those two robe-wearing hippies remains one of the few bright spots in the otherwise dismal sequels, which is an assertion only one of those geeks who reads TheForce.net would contest.5. Sideshow Bob Terwilliger (Kelsey Grammer), The Simpsons – “Cape Feare”Yeah, yeah…it’s not a movie, but “Die Bart, Die” is German for “The Bart, The,” after all, and no one who speaks German can be evil. Bob also has tattoos reminiscent of those sported by the guys at #3 and #1.6. Denton Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey), Reign of FireAre ragtag U.S. Army leader Van Zan’s markings the hallmark of one man’s maniacal quest for revenge? Or a not so subtle commentary on American aggression? Whatever, those dragons were pretty cool. And we finally get to see McConaughey’s hair in its natural state.7. Francis Dolarhyde (Tom Noonan), ManhunterThe chilling unveiling of Dolarhyde’s torso masterpiece is somewhat offset by the goofy 80s ambience of Michael Mann’s original take on Thomas Harris’ first Hannibal Lecter story. And to top it off, it looks like he stole the panty off of H.I. McDunnough’s head.8. Leonard (Guy Pearce), MementoMemento was memorable for a number of reasons, not just because of its non-linear narrative, intriguing premise, and because it introduced director Christopher Nolan to a wider audience, but because without it Guy Pearce might still best be known as the fabulous Felicia Jollygoodfellow from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.9. Harry Powell (Robert Mitchum), The Night of the Hunter(see also Jake and Elwood in The Blues Brothers) – Mitchum is one of The Wife’s favorite actors, but where she favors the stoic Pug from Winds of War, I’ve always preferred his wholly evil Powell. The ‘Love’ and ‘Hate’ tats are simple, understated, and perfect for his character.10. Quint (Robert Shaw), JawsOkay, I lied: I couldn’t find a pic of Quint’s U.S.S. Indianapolis tat, and you never got more than a fleeting glimpse of it during the scene anyway. Still, it remains the touchstone for one of the greatest monologues in movie history. That has to count for something.Maddy (Maud Adams), Tattoo There were a few reasons I didn’t initially include Adams: I didn’t want to go with the easy “first hit on the ‘tattoo’ keyword search on IMDB” thing; I haven’t seen this movie in 25 years; and it took me a while to find some safe for work pics. But I must admit, that’s some nice ink.Seth Gecko (George Clooney), From Dusk Till DawnI gave this one some thought, and I enjoyed the movie when I saw it in the theater, but the passage of ten years’ time and seeing similar art on everyone from football players to that guy benching 95 pounds at the gym has soured me somewhat on the whole tribal tattoo thing.Ana Pascal (Maggie Gyllenhaal), Stranger than FictionMmmmm, Maggie. Sorry, what were we talking about?